STRIKE THREE!

June 22, 2010

And I'm outta here

Call it adventures in parenting.
Call it "one of those days."
Call it anything you like, because I don't have a name for it.

It started this morning while I was on the phone fighting with the insurance company about adding Benjamin to our coverage. I faxed all necessary documents to them weeks ago, just days after returning from China. For some reason they received Dale's signed letter outlining the details of our adoption, but they CLAIM (nice little insurance lingo I've picked up in the past few weeks) that they didn't receive, in the same fax, our Adoption Certificate. This wouldn't be that big of a deal, since Watson Clinic will take our word for it and refile. But Benjamin has an appointment tomorrow at All-Children's with the orthopedic specialist and they won't just refile. They require payment up front if coverage cannot be verified.

Enter "Strike One"
So just imagine my state of mind, on said telephone with the Blue Cross nazi, when I hear Olivia yell, "No sir! Mom! That's BAD! Mom! You're in big trouble young man!" I made my phone exit as quickly as possible and went down the hall to find Benjamin, as well as the surrounding carpet, wall, and mirror covered in brown marker. No. It really was quite comical. I didn't even get mad. I just went to cleaning him up as quickly as possible. Thank the Lord for baby wipes. I think they have the same chemical composition as 409, Mr. Clean, Clorox, and mama spit all rolled into one. You can probably wipe three-week-old love-bug residue from the grill of your car with them with hardly an ounce of elbow grease. Meanwhile, I was praying I could get my little brown baby clean again. I don't want the doctor to be distracted by the track lines up and down his body and not be able to focus on the real issue at hand.

Lessons to learn:
Baby Wipes remove ink from baby skin.
Oxy Clean Carpet Spray removes ink from carpet.
Everyone's happy.

Enter "Strike Two"
Benjamin was down for his nap. I'm was doing laundry, cleaning up from lunch, yada yada yada when the girls scurried into the bathroom. They were giggling and cuttin' up to beat the band and I was afraid they were going to wake up the marker marvel and I couldn't have that so I opened the bathroom door to quiet them just in time to see Olivia, the amazing monkey girl, hop down from the sink. "The sink?" you ask. Yes, I, too, made the mistake of asking her what she was doing up there and then to my unbelieving ears she informed me that she and Abigail had to "go" at the same time and Abigail beat her to the potty. When she told Abigail she really really had to "go" she said Abigail told her to "go" in the sink. Okay, ladies. I didn't just fall off the turnip truck yesterday. We all know that if you really have to "go" that bad you can't climb up the back of the toilet and onto a SINK without peeing in your pants,let alone the SINK! Yeah. I'm still reeling from that one. too. I'm not sure what emotion I felt at that time. It's not exactly anger, not exactly exasperation, not exactly confounding confusion. I've never really experienced it before, so I'm not sure what to call it. If you ask Olivia she'll tell you it's a spanking.

Enter "Strike Three"
I turn to Abigail, with that undefined expression firmly stuck on my face and ask her if she told Olivia to do that, ready to scold her and tell her to never NEVER tell Olivia to do ANYTHING that she shouldn't do, even in jest, because she just might do it. And that would have been the end of it. But my sweet, innocent, dependable, never-gets-in-trouble angel-child LIED and said, "No, Mama." My mama-lie-dector went off. This would have probably earned time-out and a lecture had I not caught her in a little lie just yesterday. So where did I go wrong? Is this just a stage, or am I a total failure as a mother? That emotion that I described above...triple it! I still don't know what to call it, but if you ask Abigail she'll tell you it's Pink Grapefruit foam soap.

So what's a mom to do? After shooing those two peein' lyin' renegades to bed for a nap they don't usually have to take, disinfected the bathroom, and tackled the last evidence of the brown marker, I called Dale and explained to him that we needed a board meeting, aka a date night.

Enter Emma, angel of light and mercy. (Home run!) We left our three cherubs in her capable hands and enjoyed a nice, quiet dinner and went to a free movie I had coupons for. So after a relaxing evening with the chairman of the board and no babies to wipe, bottoms to spank, or mouths to wash out with soap I am home, the queen of my castle and ready to face anything again tomorrow. The Home Team wins!

Disclaimer: For prosperity's sake there are no pictures to document these events. It's enough that these three images are forever singed into my brain. I'll pull them up years from now and laugh.

COMMENTS FROM FRIENDS AND FAMILY:

*Good Heavens! Are they trying to kill you? The good news is that I had no idea that baby wipes were that useful. You helped me to recognize a power-source to be unleashed in the event of such a disaster in my home. You do good work, soldier. Way to re-establish control and spark a romance with the Chairman of the Board. I am in awe of your power.
Posted by: Teresa on June 23, 2010 at 03:41 A.M.

*Sorry you had such a rough day! Sounds like you handled it very well though! Hope all is going well at the doctor's. Have a better day today!
Keturah
Posted by: Keturah on June 23, 2010 at 05:49 A.M.

*I know Cindi is out of town, so feel free to call me if you have the Snickers/Diet Coke urge - I'll be happy to stand in!!!
Posted by: Cynthia Kuhlman on June 23, 2010 at 01:22 P.M.

*i am rolling on the floor. it is so comforting to know i am not the only one out there that has such days :) kids get more creative w/ age. and the thing that makes it harder when they are older is that they also get sneakier and quieter in their mischief. the fun has only begun.

dillon made himself a zebra once w/ a sharpie. that didn't wash off so well, but i have since learned that fingernail polish remover is a wonderful thing :) like baby wipes, it cleans LOTS of things - sometimes too well, but hey, the marker is off (and maybe some paint too).

hoping your days are going better and benjamin's dr. appt. went well :)
Posted by: Shelle M. on June 24, 2010 at 02:23 P.M.

*I cannot believe my Abigail! You should write a book about your adventures. FYI-Olivia isn't the only one who has used a sink. ???? I will never tell who else has.
Posted by: Chris Lynch on June 25, 2010 at 06:52 P.M.

*Hi There:)
Was browsing sites on YB.net and came across yours. I live about 10 minutes from you, in Winter Haven...and we just came home from China with our daughter in late April!
I'd love to touch base with you sometime and compare notes, lol!
Amy
www.journeytoourprincess.blogspot.com
Posted by: Amy Howard on June 26, 2010 at 12:40 A.M.

*btdt with bcbs. I laugh when their Ads come on claiming how "easy" they are to deal with. NOT! So glad we don't have them any longer.
Love your adventures in Parenting. Helps to know that my life is "normal" as everyone elses. :-)
Posted by: Melanie D on June 27, 2010 at 04:15 P.M.